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Monday, 20 April 2009

Smoke

Through the heads
Of an old lady
Raw and wrinkled
And the drunkard
Down the road
A gait so crooked,
That children of
Lost innocence,
With eyes like
Empty goblets of ambrosia,
And second hand soft-toys
From the Memsahib,
Look.
Look at the
Hollow black of activists
(Ray-Ban it reads)
And the dead white
politicians,
(neatly starched) a ray
Of Gray
Appears through the window.
And they called it
Perspective.

16 comments:

Kaushik said...

I liked it, although I'm not sure I understood it.

SHIVRAJ 'arbit' said...

i posted a comment as well.....

nerdyberdy said...

if I understood it right, I liked the ironic humour at the end. if not, then ditto whatever km said. =)

Bakarbaaz said...

I agree with kogi and Nerdyberdy.
Now will you please read.

carapace said...

nicesh.

Kaushik said...

There's a grammatical problem with the first sentence in your poem. Beginning with "Through" and ending in "Look."
What is the subject of the sentence? And what is the verb?

I liked the second half of the poem, but the first is syntactically confusing.

Uttara said...

@Kogi,
Thanks for repeating your comment, again.

@Arbit,
Thanks for posting.

@Banshee,
Thanks for trying to interpret it.

@Kobi,
Thanks for agreeing with the others. Consensus is an important characteristic.

@Sooper,
Thanksesh

@Kogi,
Oh you just adjuust. I have literary license to not follow syntax.
Settle, and you'll understand.

Kaushik said...

Well, it wasn't a criticism of your poem so much as an explanation for why I didn't understand it.

Felicity said...

c'est bon

VDR said...

a sort of cryptic montage, with added observations

an odd style, but seems to fit the poem well

Uttara said...

@Kogi,
Heha, eets ogay.

@Felu,
Merci beacoup.

@BigYo,
Err, Thank you?

Surreptitious Shogun said...

OK, I'm curious. Why a period after 'Look'? Why not an exclamation mark?

Its killing me! Though the period gives a passive aggresive tone, don't you think that cranking up the dramatic fervour a notch will enhance the underlying cynicism?

The period is very cerebral and seems altogether detached from the hollow black and dead white Finally, a truly original piece, what with this "Change!" nonsense you hear every day. Bon travail, madame!

Uttara said...

@Surreptitious Shogun,
Er, Thanks?
Well, the 'Look' is for the first part of the poem. I want to underplay the emotions. It is a personal view-point, that the more an emotion is underplayed, the more it is accentuated for the reader, which is why I refrained from the use of an exclamation mark.
The hollow black and dead white are for the sake of imagery.
Is this satisfactory enough?

Surreptitious Shogun said...

"The hollow black and dead white are for the sake of imagery"

I know and I'm not disputing this.
Based on its use, the period has a ring of finality about it. Since you use evocative phrases after it, I reasoned that the use of an exclamation mark would add emotion while retaining the continuity and language of the poem, which would gain depth with a beseeching note (the gamut of emotions the exclamatory mark could evoke is what excited me)


I apologize if I have in any manner whatsoever offended you. It is not my aim to question your artistic licence. As you say, it is a matter of personal opinion. It is your poem after all, and a good one at that.

Uttara said...

@ S. Shogun,
Thanks. And if you were a student of Humanities, you'd understand that tis all a matter of perspective, at the end of the day.

Bakarbaaz said...

"All a matter of perspective" -Hahhahahhahhha!! Reminds me of DJ! :P